What Can I Say?

Because I was being selfish.. 

That was the first time I’ve ever been that to you, and I can assure you it was the last. All day I’ve been thinking about it and the fact that you won’t talk to me makes me feel horrible. I’m sorry. Plan and simple.

Everything if falling apart. 

All I’ve wanted to do for the past 2 weeks is cry, smoke, and cut. 

It’s killing me inside. 

Everything is hurting. 

I tired.. I have felt this way for so long you would think I’m used to it by now.. But I’m not. I never should have started smoking again, cause I turned to that as my escape like I always do

And now that I don’t have any bud I’m forced to sit here and feel everything. 

I’m tired of feeling, I’m tired of hurting.. I want to feel numb again, I want to get out of here..

There is one person who can tell when I’m faking my “smile” 

And half the time, it’s by luck..

Cause 99% of the time, they don’t fucking care. Or they care, but they don’t say anything. 

I’m tired of finding shit out on facebook. 

Like this would be a lot less painfull…. for both of us I’m sure, if you just straight up told me.

I have no bud to numb myself..

I have the blade still…. 

I don’t want to feel this low anymore.

Promise to try my hardest..

Promise to put a smile on your face everyday.. 

Promise to do everything for you.. 

Promise to make sure you’re happy, and if not do anything till you are.. 

Promise not to lie.. 

Promise not to start a fight.. 

Promise not to be like the others..

Promise not to hurt you..

Promise to love you.. 

I wont be perfect, but I promise I’ll try.. 

I really just wanted to feel numb, and i felt fucking numb last night as soon as I hit that fucking grav! I was pissed at everyone at my house, and I was upset cause I all could think about was.. her. 

I’m scared. I’m scared that you want/like her more then me. I don’t know man, I just don’t wanna try so hard just to be let down.. 

You tell me you’re not happy with her or she stresses you out, I know you hurt from it.. I dont wanna hurt you. 

I don’t know how to get your attention, I don’t know how to make it anymore obvious that I just want to be with you.

Like, please give me some type of hint… cause I’m getting tires of guessing.. 

I just wanna fucking get high off my ass, and sleep. 

I’m so over tonight.

I am convinced. 

You don’t want me..

I think I’m doomed to be that friend..